Embracing Joy After Trauma: Giving Yourself Permission to Be Happy

When I transitioned from high school to college, my life changed drastically, and I started to feel something unfamiliar—happiness. For the first time, I had the space to work on myself and shift my mindset toward a healthier, more positive place. I began to see what life was like beyond the toxic environment I grew up in. But as much as I wanted to embrace this new chapter, the happiness felt unsettling, even scary. It was almost like I had become addicted to the sadness I had known for so long.

When you grow up in a constant state of fight-or-flight, always waiting for the other shoe to drop, the absence of crisis can feel just as unnerving. For so many years, I was emotionally on edge, always prepared for something bad to happen. So, when the day finally came that there was nothing to cry about, I didn’t know how to handle it. Sure, I still had the typical stresses of exams and college life, but for once, I had the same problems as other kids—problems that didn’t involve survival or trauma.

If you’ve experienced trauma or loss, giving yourself permission to feel joy can feel like a betrayal of your past. It’s hard to believe life can truly be good when all you’ve known is hardship. Unfamiliarity is frightening, and for me, unfamiliarity meant happiness. I didn’t know what to do with it. My entire family was depressed; that was my baseline for what life was supposed to be. It was the lens through which I saw everything. 

But here’s the truth I’ve come to realize after years of healing: Life can and does get better. But the key is—you have to let it. You have to allow yourself to experience happiness without guilt or self-sabotage. When you’re used to things going wrong, it’s tempting to brace for the worst or undermine the good before it even fully arrives. But why not give happiness a chance to stay?

Let me share a personal example of where my life was five years ago compared to where it is now. Five years ago, I was living in poverty, weighed down by anxiety, depression, and PTSD. I felt completely alone, grieving the loss of a loved one, and struggling with the aftermath of past abuse. My days were dark, and joy seemed like a distant dream.

Fast forward to today, and everything has shifted. I’m surrounded by loving, supportive friends. I’ve overcome my mental health struggles and, most importantly, I’ve accepted my past traumas without letting them define me. My family may still face financial difficulties, but I was blessed with a full-ride scholarship, allowing me to break free from generational cycles of hardship. None of this would have been possible if I hadn’t allowed myself to feel joy, to trust others, and to believe I deserved better.

So, here’s my advice to you: Don’t be afraid to embrace happiness. Let people in. Let them support you, love you, and remind you that you are worthy of joy. You are worth knowing. Don’t let past toxic relationships or painful experiences convince you otherwise. When you put yourself out there with authenticity, the world has a way of responding with support and care. Even if it feels unfamiliar or risky, it’s a risk worth taking. 

And remember, if you think no one is rooting for you, know that I am. Life after trauma can be beautiful, and you deserve every bit of that beauty. 

You are worthy of happiness, no matter what you’ve been through.