Accepting Love and Connection After Trauma
You have value simply because you exist. There is nothing—absolutely nothing—that defines your worth. It doesn’t matter how much money you make, how many people you think love you, or what your past looks like. No external factor, whether tangible or intangible, determines the love and connection you deserve. You carry the same worth as every other person on this planet.
However, after experiencing trauma, many of us internalize damaging beliefs—beliefs that we are not good enough, not deserving of love, or unworthy of respect and community. Trauma often rewrites the way we see ourselves. People who should have been our protectors may have told us, either directly or through their actions, that we weren’t good enough. These harmful messages leave deep scars, shaping the way we view our value.
It’s Not About You, It’s About Them
One crucial truth to remember is that nothing anyone does to you is truly personal. When people hurt you, it's often because they are hurting themselves. They direct their pain outward, and you may have been an easy target. The mistreatment you've endured is not a reflection of your worth. It’s a reflection of others’ unhealed wounds.
Multiple experiences of being hurt over the years may feel like they define your value, but they don't. Instead, they offer insight into what happens when people act out of their own pain. When you begin to understand this, you can start the journey of healing by separating your self-worth from the actions of others.
Healing Starts With Self-Compassion
In order to open yourself up to love and connection again, you must first learn to give love and compassion to yourself. Self-compassion is the foundation of healing. It’s not enough to wait for someone else to affirm your worth—you must become your own source of love and support. This journey begins with small, daily practices of positive affirmations, self-care, and forgiveness.
Positive Affirmations
Affirmations are a powerful tool to counter negative self-beliefs. If you find it uncomfortable to speak them aloud, start by writing them down and reading them to yourself. Repeating affirmations helps rewrite the negative narrative in your mind, replacing it with love and acceptance. Simple statements like, “I am enough” or “I am deserving of love” can slowly reshape your thoughts. If you’re seeking inspiration, my Pinterest page offers a variety of affirmations to help boost your confidence and self-worth.
Self-Care
Self-care is about nurturing your mind and body in simple, meaningful ways. Whether it’s mindful breathing, prioritizing sleep, or spending time outdoors, these small acts of care can make a huge difference in how you feel about yourself. Even something as simple as watching a 5-minute breathwork video can bring a sense of calm and self-appreciation. The more consistently you practice self-care, the more it becomes a habit, building a foundation of self-love.
Forgiveness
Learning to forgive yourself is one of the most powerful acts of self-compassion. Our society often emphasizes kindness towards others but overlooks the importance of self-kindness. We all make mistakes, and every mistake is an opportunity to learn. No mistake is unforgivable. Whenever you find yourself regretting something, remind yourself: “What’s done is done. I can only learn and make better choices in the future.” Offering yourself this grace will free you from guilt and help you heal. Forgiveness isn’t about excusing your actions—it’s about understanding that you are human, learning, and growing.
Reconnect Through Third Places
An important aspect of healing and accepting love is reconnecting with others. One way to do this is by spending time in “third places”—spaces that aren’t home or work, such as coffee shops, parks, gyms, or libraries. These places foster a sense of community, even for introverts, without the pressure to engage deeply with others. You can simply enjoy the energy of being around people. Small interactions, like chatting with a barista or smiling at a passerby, can remind you of the warmth and connection that still exist in the world. It’s about finding your own rhythm and comfort level in these spaces, allowing you to rebuild your sense of belonging.
Embrace Your Worth
At the core of all healing is the truth that you are worthy of love. No matter what you’ve been through, no matter how disconnected or undeserving you may feel, you have inherent value. Trauma may have taught you otherwise, but now is the time to unlearn those beliefs. The journey to accepting love and connection is ongoing, but with self-compassion, care, and patience, you can reclaim your sense of worth.
Remember, your worth is not tied to your past, your mistakes, or the actions of others. It is tied to your very existence. You deserve love and belonging simply because you are here.
Take heart in knowing that as you practice self-compassion, you will open yourself up to the love and connection that have always been yours to receive. Healing is a process, but you’re on the right path. You are enough—just as you are.
