How to Stop Craving External Validation
Before I get started, I want to mention that this post is a bit rushed because I’ve been swamped with exams all week, but I wanted to get something out on time. Thank you for being here.
In my most recent post, I discussed why it’s important to be alone, and today I’m diving into something we all crave at times: external validation. Learning to love yourself and enjoy being alone requires letting go of the need for validation from others—because you’ll never truly be free and happy as yourself if you base your life’s path on the opinions of others.
So, what is external validation? It’s getting recognition from others for your feelings and actions. While it may seem beneficial because it shows people care about you, it can actually harm your confidence and self-belief. Relying on factors beyond your control to boost your ego can leave you feeling insecure.
Here’s how to stop craving this validation:
1. Understand That Seeking Universal Approval is Impossible
Realize that every person on this Earth has a unique perspective. No two opinions are exactly the same. You could make a world-changing discovery, and there would still be people with negative opinions. People don’t judge you based on who you actually are—they judge you based on who they are. So, there’s no point in taking others' opinions to heart. This realization can free you from striving to be a "perfect" version of yourself.
2. Focus on Your Own Growth
Invest so much time in yourself that you have no room to worry about others. Make a list of goals for the next day, month, and year, and start working on them. When you feel embarrassed or sense that someone dislikes you, step back and ask, “How can I use this as a learning experience?” or “How can I become more confident so that I don’t worry about things like this?” When you focus on your life and goals, you realize that only your opinion matters.
3. Embrace Authenticity
Authenticity is a recurring theme because it’s the key to overcoming insecurities. If you’re always being genuine, then it doesn’t matter what others think or say. We were all born to be different people with unique purposes, so pursue the person you’re meant to become. When you act from a place of authenticity, you can’t have regrets—because you’re simply being yourself.
Craving external validation can be deeply ingrained, so remember to be patient and gentle with yourself as you work through it. Over time, these practices can strengthen your inner validation and help you find contentment in your own approval. You are the only person that will be with you for the rest of your life, so remember to nourish your mind and focus on yourself! You are perfect just the way you are.
