Finding Comfort in Rediscovering Yourself After Trauma and Healing
The person you become when experiencing trauma or mental illness is someone you form a deep attachment to—not just because it's yourself, but because that version of you has endured pain. It’s natural to want to protect that part of you forever. However, the best way to honor your past self is to heal.
During my darkest depression, I became attached to the version of me that was overwhelmingly insecure, lonely, and consumed by sadness. I found a strange comfort in that sadness, believing I was the only one who understood my own pain. I wanted to hold onto that version of myself because it felt like the only way to acknowledge my struggles. But when I began healing, happiness became my new normal. While this was wonderful, it felt oddly wrong to leave behind my sadness, as if I were abandoning a crucial part of myself and pretending my past never happened.
Many people feel this way when they grow into a happy state they've never experienced before. There’s a strange attachment to the unhealthy version of ourselves. But you don't have to stay stuck. Here's how to find comfort in creating a new sense of self:
Accept the Unknown
When you grow into a new, healthy version of yourself, it can feel like you're losing touch with familiar parts of your identity. But this discomfort is where the deepest growth happens. We cling to our old selves out of fear of losing control, but freedom lies in letting go. Trust that this process of self-recreation will lead you exactly where you are meant to be, even if you can't see it now. Radical self-acceptance is essential here. It means embracing all parts of yourself—the ones you love, dislike, or are still evolving. Release the pressure to "be better" or fit a certain mold. Your new self doesn’t need to conform to external expectations; it only needs to feel authentic to you.
Confront the Pain and Let Go
To truly create a new sense of self, you must confront the pain and trauma that shaped your current identity. Acknowledge the sadness and suffering of your past self with compassion. Forgive yourself for the choices made when you didn't know better, and gently let go of the person you used to be. This isn't easy—it can feel like grieving the loss of a part of you. But through this grief, you create space for something new and aligned with who you truly are. It’s okay to mourn, but remember that healing leads to greater freedom and peace.
Trust the Evolution of Your Soul
Your identity is not fixed; it's constantly evolving through your experiences, relationships, and growth. The person you're leaving behind and the person you're becoming are both valid. Each version of yourself holds important lessons. Real transformation happens subtly, in how you think, feel, and approach life. Change is a natural part of life, and as you step into your new self, remember that you can still honor your past without letting it control your future.
Find Meaning in the Struggle
Often, the moments of greatest struggle carry the most profound lessons. When you look back, you’ll see that the pain of letting go was necessary to reveal your strength, wisdom, and compassion. As you evolve, your purpose in life may shift. Reflect on what drives you now. What makes you feel alive? Aligning with this new sense of purpose helps create a self that feels deeply meaningful. Even your smallest choices become part of shaping this new identity.
Reconnect with Your True Self
Amid the noise of identity, expectations, and societal pressure, there’s a quiet voice within you—your intuition. This is your true self, the part of you that knows who you are beyond any role or label. Spend time in stillness, through meditation, journaling, or reflection, to reconnect with this voice. Let your soul, not your ego, guide you. The ego clings to the past and fears change, but your soul understands that growth is natural and necessary for true fulfillment. Read more about understanding the ego here, and change your life through a new way of thinking.
Remember, personal growth isn’t linear. There will be moments when you feel fully aligned with your new self and moments when doubt creeps in. This is all part of the process. Like the changing seasons, you are constantly evolving. You don’t need to rush or force yourself to become your “new” self—each day is part of the journey. Take comfort in knowing that you are always becoming, always a work in progress. And that’s a beautiful thing.
